Abroad…

Man! Writing these guides just brings back fond memories; the incredible excitement you feel when you get a strange new city or even a familiar favourite.

Why is it when you’re not travelling you always feel like you’re missing out on something?

…Oh, I know.  BECAUSE YOU ARE.

I look at pictures of tanned, toned half-naked ladies  and can’t help but think…

Why am I not there?

I deserve to be in a warm country over-sexed and hungover.

I’m in hibernation, spending my days inside and foraging for cash, just so I leave again! I don’t even notice Irish women. I seen them as men. I don’t even bother going out. I have ZERO interest. The only thing that perks me up is the odd Black, Asian and European girl that happens to fall into my lap. But still.. it’s just not… abroad.

Abroad is where to I want to go,

where booze is cheap and cocktails flow.

Abraod is where its nice and hot,

on hammocks chillin, smoking pot.

Abroad has sexy girls galore,

with slim, dark bodies to explore.

But here at home the standard drops,

with pasty, flabby muffin tops.

I’ve had enough, I’m outta here,

Destination: anywhere.