Malta Island Guide

Waterside @ St. Julians

Malta in a word: Underrated.

Chance of Hooking up: 4 / 5
Quality of Girls: 3.5 / 5
Smoking tolerance level: 3 / 5
City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Beer: €2.50 for a pint in nightclub.
Bed: €15 for a private room.
Bud: TBC
Board: €7 for a main course.
Budget other: If you stay in Silema or Valletta, prepare to shell out for taxis every night. Stay in St. Juilians, trust me.
Currency Conversion

Overview

Malta surprises you. Even on a lonely Monday in quiet November, the nightlife is still rockin’ until the early hours. Not only is it one of the hottest places in all of Europe, it’s cheap to get to and even cheaper to hang out in. Add some rustic charm, a sea view and some sexy Maltese chicks and you’ve got all the ingredients for a fantastic getaway. Malta’s just great!

The Girls

Emma Heming

I rate Maltese girls 3.5/5 overall, but if you are in Paceville on the weekend this moves up to a 4, with generally high standard. Without hyperbole, over 90% of women are in short skirts at this time, and it’s hard to handle. As for looks, the population has similar features to Italians, with dark features, great hip to waist ratios and decent sized breasts. In contrast, they are slightly smaller and perhaps not quite as liberal. Maltese people are very affectionate and people often hang out in large groups. The guys exhibit serious machismo so you will need to be more alpha than usual to compete. Expect to get cockblocked a lot. Maltese girls require a bit of work, but they are well worth it. With such obstacles, why do I rate the chance of hooking up so highly? Well here’s the thing – if the locals aren’t biting, there is an abundance of sexy expats on offer. Expect to meet plenty of resident Romanians, Baltic babes, Russians and a few Brazilians. In terms of tourists, expect lots of Western Europeans, Scandinavians and a the odd Koreans or Aussie. There’s something for everyone in Malta!

Check it:

To see more pictures of sexy Maltese girls click here.

Another blogger writes about the local girls in The Maltese Tease.

Nightlife Recommendations

First off, nearly all of the nightlife is concentrated in a place called Paceville. This is where you need to be. Everywhere is in close proximity to each other so it’s easy to bounce from place to place. Here are some spots you will undoubtedly end up in:

Pulse

This place is right at the start of the main strip. Come early and try to get a table outside. Order a hookah pipe, grab a Cisk and just bear witness to the armies of gorgeous girls as they descend on the strip. This will surely get you pumped for the night ahead. Outside is also a good place to open sets on adjacent tables. We pulled here on more than one occasion.

Hugos

Consistently busy with a central location and cheap booze. Plenty of girls and chart music. The smoking area is decent for approaching too. Native Bar is the same deal just down the steps. Both are pretty all right. Similar to our experience in Pulse, success was had in these spots.

Havana

Welcome to Paceville

Everyone ends up in this club. It’s not exactly inspiring, but it’s busy nearly every night and doesn’t shut up shop until 4AM. Weekdays are great, especially Wednesday, but avoid during the weekend – it’s a cockfest. We had no trouble plundering plenty of chicas in this club on the quieter nights.

*Note: If you can Salsa go to club Fuego, it’s just down the strip on Bay Street.

Getting High

I found mixed opinions in Malta as to how serious the police take ganja. Apparently it’s just a fine, but some say they will arrest you. I found more info on Marijuana use in Malta here.

My fellow shipmate “Genocide Glen” managed to score some medium grade hashish by befriending a local guy, but he had to drive halfway across the island to get it! He has to get back to me on the price. I’ll confirm the costs in the next day or two.

My Malta Experience

You need to read my last post, The Siege of Malta!!!

;)

Why not check out more cheeky City Guides?

2 Responses to “Malta Island Guide”

  1. Great post, man you and Roosh are doing a really great job with these reports – definitely can’t find any of this information at a Lonely Planet. Thanks for the kind words yesterday, was going to email you but couldn’t find a contact form here.

    Keep up the good work dude.

  2. Thanks for the report on Malta

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