Archive for the Travel Cheats Category

Ladyboy Survival Guide : Essential tips!

Posted in Cambodia, Ladyboys, Sex & Dating, Thailand, The Philippines, Travel Cheats with tags , , , , , on April 19, 2010 by Mackeral Mark

Thai Ladyboy

Yes, I’m sure you’re all convinced you can tell a guy in a dress!

Many an intrepid traveler will tell you they can tell a ladyboy a mile away. That may be true 90% of the time, but many a proud man has let the other 10% slip through the gaydar.

There is a reason why so many men fall for it!

Common myths can steer you wrong – and get you dong!

A ladybody CAN be:

  • Beautiful
  • Slim & Petite
  • Curvaceous
  • Very Feminine

They can get their Adam’s apple Shaved!

Implants and facial reconstuction!

They can even have the chop (vaginoplasty)!

So what can you do?

How to prevent bringing that beautiful ‘girl’  home and end up crying in the corner washing your mouth out with rice wine!?

"But he was really hot.."

Here are the naughty nomad’s  guaranteed ways to tell a ladyboy  :

Tip 1)  They are suspiciously easy or forward.

Remember – they’re guy too, they just wanna get laid.

Tip 2) The tit test

A  maneuver that could save your ass! Implants are harder then normal breasts. A cheeky squeeze may seem rude, but can reveal a dude!

Tip 3) Just fucking ask them!

Ladyboy’s usually don’t bother lying if you ask them. As for South East Asian  girls – they won’t be insulted! They know there’s loads of hot ladyboys. Plus if they are ‘all women’, you have just knocked them down a peg with a neg.

Tip 4) They’re strangely attractive

Not just attractive, strangely attractive. The hottest girl I saw in Phnom Penh turned out the be a man! Remember there’s something about Mirium?

Tip 5) They have a penis

Boys have penises and girls have vaginas.

If she has a penis, you have two choices

a) run

b) think to yourself  “Man! It’s been a really long time…. maybe I’ll just ask them to turn around. I don’t want to be rude… Oh gee I really shouldn’t… well what if I… oh… hey…hey that’s…. that’s not bad… well it’s too late now I guess…”

Disclaimer: Option b) may include side effects like suicide and diarrhoea.

If it looks a vagina it probably is. Let your nose double check if you’re really paranoid!

I hope this guide helps you.

But remember! Not every girl who walks you to you in a bar  in South East Asia is a ladyboy…  some just want to rob you or get a passport!*

🙂

* Generalisation  for comic effect, not the view of the author. The author has fortunately never got off with a ladyboy.

How to get a private pyramid tour

Posted in Egypt, Travel Cheats with tags , , on April 19, 2010 by Mackeral Mark

Step 1: Arrive after closing time, but before the sun sets.

Step 2: Walk around the parameter eastwards and wonder into the backstreets surrounding the security fence. There’s a KFC nearby, but that can wait. Get talking to the locals about getting in through the “back” entrance.

Step 3: You will introduced to a guide; he will provide you with safe passage and horses. Bargain hard, but remember, they have to pay a large sum of money bribing the police inside. We negotiated we would pay the police ourselves and it end up being far more costly.

Step 4: Mount your horse and head towards the dessert, leaving the city behind you. Prepare you nostril for the occasion odious encounter. We witnessed the disturbing site of a horse’s corpse, rotting in the gutter being consumed by a swarm of feasting flies.

Step 5: After a few kilometres of dramatic dessert scenery, you will spot a makeshift camp on the inside of the security fence. An un-couth looking man will come out and un-hinge a broken section of the fence, allowing you entry for a small fee.

Step 6: Make you way over the dunes to the pyramids. You have them all to yourself! Sure, you might have to bribe a few corrupt officials and you can’t go inside the pyramids themselves, but you can everything but, and there isn’t a single tourist in sight! You also get the privilege of being the only people allowed to watch the Egyptian sun, setting over the only original, surviving ancient wonder of mankind – and right next to the sphinx if you want! Famous people couldn’t do that shit!