The Limerick of Budva

A pirate danced with his crew,
He stumbled upon a hot Jew,
A body to thrill,
He went for the kill,
Oh man was she able to screw.

and screw…

and screw…

and screw.

Boracay Island Guide

Now that's what I'm talkin' bout!

Boracay in a word: Paradise.

Chance of Hooking up: 5 / 5
Quality of Girls: 3 / 5
Smoking tolerance level: 3 / 5
City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Beer: Around €.60 for a bottle of San Miguel.
Bed: €5 for a private room in low season.
Bud: ?
Board: €3-4 for most meals.
Budget other: Cocktails for your dates!
Currency Conversion

Overview

Rated No. 1 in my Top 10 Destinations in South East Asia, for me this place is paradise. White beaches, palm trees, turquoise waters and violet sunsets. Ahh! Top it off by sipping Mojitos and listening to an acoustic set with some beautiful Filipina sitting next to you. What more could you want?

The Girls

Two please!

If you like cute Asian girls in bikinis you’ll love this place!  Filipina, Korean, Japanese, Chinese, European – Boracay has it all. It may be a honeymoon island, but they’re plenty of singles around. Not only are the girls here sexy and slim, they’re game too. The island is the premier destination of a country with 80 million people and as a result, the locals who come to Boracay are all about foreign men.  It’s easy to approach any time of the day whether your target is working or chilling on the beach. Bag yourself a few beach babes and you’ll want to return again, and again, and again. Just be careful, the island is small and you run into trouble dating too many girls… (I found that out the hard way). So you want to get laid in Boracay? Here is my my fabulous…

Beach Bar Bedroom Bladder Bounce technique:

1) Give out / get a phone number. Commence txting.

2) Arrange date for a happy hour, somewhere relaxed and near your place.

3) Get your girl mellowed on cheap cocktails. One Mai -Tai will do the trick, these chicks are tiny!

4) Go for a romantic walk on the beach during sunset, find a place to chill on the sand, conveniently just beside where your staying. Kiss her.

5) This point is crucial. Wait for the cocktail to work it’s way through her system. When shes needs to use the bathroom just say.. “Well, you can use mine if you want, it’s just here…” If she has a unusually strong bladder and that fails, just give her some other excuse to enter the room. “I got some pics you should see” or just flat out lie “Oh, there’s something I got to show you!” (ie. my cock). It doesn’t matter, nine times out of ten it’s golden.

6) I’ve just shown you how to get a drunk beach babe in your room and it’s not even dinner time. I think you can figure out the rest.

This technique works well for instant dates also.

😉

Nightlife Recommendations

Nigi’s Nigi’s

Not a bad place to pick up a stray or two. My friend and I both scored here more than once.

Cocomangas

This disco bar by the beach is where the party’s at. Every night here is insane! This is the number one spot to pull. Grab a girl, do some bumping and grinding then take her home and destroy her! But expect to see her there again, this place is often the only option. Need a little encouragement?

Check out this Bikini contest at Cocamangas…

Getting High

Hard to find. This may be the first post where one cannot help. If you want to get high in Boracay, your best bet is to bring some with you. As usually, beware of entrapment by corrupt officials on the island.

My Boracay Experience

I went nuts here. At one stage I had 9 dates in 3 days! One during the day, one at happy hour and one in the evening. That was before Cocomangas! Like Phuket and Bali, I was shaggin’ like a rabbit. One problem – I kept running into girls I had hooked up while I was on other dates! Things turned ugly. I effectively got chased of the island, warned never to return.

😉

Why not check out more naughty City Guides?

Phuket Island Guide

Bangla Rd. by day

Phuket in a word: Hedonistic.

Chance of Hooking up: 5 / 5
Quality of Girls: 3 / 5
Smoking tolerance level: 4 / 5
City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Beer: Around €2 for a 330ml bottle.
Bed: €8 for a central private room.
Bud: €50 for 3-4 grams.
Board: €3-4 for most meals.
Budget other: Some places close at 6.00 AM. That’s a lot of drinking time.
Currency Conversion

Overview

The heart of the action is centred around Bangla Road, Patong. This is where you need to be. Sure it’s sleazy, but it’s right by the beach, there’s a ridiculous amount of women and the night life is insane. This is my favourite spot in Thailand. Welcome to sex central; a hedonist’s paradise.

Bangla Rd. by night

The Girls

Freelancer in Hollywoods

First and foremost, the majority of girls around Bangla are working girls or p4p, plain and simple. That said, this is not always the case and it doesn’t mean you need to pay for it anyway. This is a prime location for shoring. Secondly, these girls are hot as hell (see video below) and you can find some grade A Thai totty for your pleasure, as women in this area display a high degree of promiscuity. There are basically 4 different types of girls.

Bar girls
A bar girl is a lady working in a bar, usually selling drinks, dancing or mingling with the punters. These girls will more often than not be there to pick up clients who will pay for sex. Most of these girls generally come from Issan, a poorer province in Thailand. Avoid these ones unless you are a sex tourist; not my style.

Bar girls, Patong. Note to self: buy schoolgirl outfit to put on asian FB

Freelancers
These are pros or semi-pro’s without an employer. They are often found in  bars or on the street. In bars, they can be shored and will screw you for free if they like you.

Non-pros
There are lot’s of girls on the island who don’t work in bars and who have never even considered p4p. What I consider “good” girls; normal girls with jobs. You can ask them out directly as many have hopes of dating a western guy.

Tourists
Around Patong, you can find both domestic and international tourists. Some wealthier Bangkok girls come here on vacation to party, while there fat western counterparts look around in disgust. Take your pick.

Nightlife Recommendations

As mentioned, Bangla road is where it’s at. Do a pub crawl and get a feel for the place, if it hits 2Am and your  alone  there’s only one place you need to know about …

Hollywoods

This is a big nightclub that’s always the last place to close and packed every night. It’s a major freelancers hangout, but plenty of tourists and non-pros can be found here too. Hooking up here is almost guaranteed if you have a little game. Both me and my mate brought a different girl home every night we came here and money never came up once.. I even wondered in at 5.30 am one morning and got picked up.

Here’s a video I found on Hollywood’s…

So what do at the end of the night and I haven’t scored?

Then you need to go to..

The Local Pool Hall

At 6AM, this place is packed with sexy chicks who refuse to go to bed. They’re horny, hammered and there’s no men around… We had women literally fighting over each other when we arrived. Have fun..

I also recommend you read my Ladyboy survival guide.

Getting High

Legislation: Cannabis is illegal in Thailand but the police in Phuket Island is fairly corrupt. It wouldnt be advisable not to smoke in public or in dodgy back streets, but smoking on the beach or hotel balcony should be kept discrete.

Law Enforcement: Law enforcement generally corrupt, can be bought off for around 20,000B if you run into trouble.

Where to Buy Marijuana in Phuket Island: Head to Patong Beach where there are jetski rentals and parasailing. Be cool and ask the guys renting out the equipment to hook you up.  A recent tip we got is: “Patong Soi Eric the Regee beer bar”. Another report from patong bay: “Not from people who wrap their pot in tons of plastic and burn the edges; not marijuana. Look for the mid 20s people who work on the beach.” Another reporter added: “Taxi drivers and tuk tuk drivers are the way to go.”

Phuket Island Marijuana Prices: An expensive 3000B for about 4-5 grams of shitty brick weed. But it’s good if you’re bud-starved. Another reporter added; “300Tb = 1.5g of thai stick. THC about 6 – 12 %”
Another reporter informed us of “1000TB for 10 grams”  and also: “I paid 1000 baht for about 5-7 grams of compressed outdoor sativa.”

My Phuket Experience

Sex, sex and more sex. Phuket was insane. Both me and my mate were with a different girl every single night, really sexy girls as well. I thought my dick was going to fall off; good times.

😉

Kuching City Guide

Kuching, Borneo

Kuching in a word: Absorbing.

Chance of Hooking up: 3 / 5
Quality of Girls: 3.5 / 5
Smoking tolerance level: 2 / 5
City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Beer: Around  €2 for a pint.
Bed: €5 for the cheapest private room.
Bud: €12-15 per 1/8.
Board: €2-3 for most meals.
Budget other: Prepare to drink – a shit load. Check out Bako National Park, one of the best in the world.
Currency Conversion

Overview

In terms of craic, I would rate Kuching as the best place in Malaysia! In comparison with Peninsular Malaysia, this city of half a million in Borneo is considerable more laid back; with ultra-friendly locals, superb nightlife and cheaper booze. People from borneo know how to party and every night there’s something going on. You may find yourself spending more time here than you intended.

The Girls

Miss Sarawak candidate

Kuching is arguably the best place for high quality women in the entire region. The reason? The girls here are gorgeous, liberal and financially independent, yet they maintain their femininity. Ethnic Chinese, Orang Ulu and moneyed Malaysians make up most of this premium batch. Getting laid is not necessarily 100% guaranteed but women here speak English, like westerners and are very approachable. Chicks here will even buy you drinks! The only difficulty is girls tend to be cliquey here and hang out in large social circles. Cockblocking and AMOGing can be an obstacle, but if you befriend the guys you’re in. Kuching has a great bar scene conducive for gaming, so night-time is the best time to pick up. One night stands are no problem. For day game, there is a lot of shopping centers that have plenty of cute girls. Local restaurants are good as well.

Nightlife Recommendations

Lots and lots of option. I got a serious taste for this place as I spent two weeks on piss with the locals. Kuching has too many areas for a nightlife out so I’ll just single out my favourite spots…

Padungan Road

Great for a wee pub crawl. Just have a drink in every place and work your way down the strip. Mojo is a good spot to end up (when it’s busy).

Junk

This is a semi-private bar where anything goes. Ask people about its location (it’s beside Volcano, near Pandungan). There’s no signs, no entrance, just a giant steel door. Knock on the door, act like you own the place and enter the coolest place in Kuching. This 3 phased bar is busy every night and the girls here are stunning.

Getting High

It’s not that easy to find. We got some weed by just asking people in the bars. A few locals smoke or at least know people who smoke.. Prices are the same as KL -around 50 ringit for an 1/8.

My Kuching Experience

KU-CHING! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I love this fucking city. I’ll be back time and time again. Details will get me in trouble as I have Malay friends reading this; let’s just say that both me and my travel buddy had A LOT of fun here. We had no problem getting a few Borneo flags. We planned on staying 2 day – we stayed here for 2 weeks. What more can I say?

Me & Dan in Junk (notice how I'm surrounding by hot chicks)

Kuta City Guide (Bali)

Kuta Beach

Kuta in a word: Party!

Chance of Hooking up: 4.5 / 5
Quality of Girls: 3.5 / 5
Smoking tolerance level: 2.5 / 5
City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Beer: Around  €1 for a bintang.
Bed: €5 for the cheapest private room
Bud: €5 per gram
Board: €2-3 for most meals.
Budget other: Rent a moto and see the real Bali.
Currency Conversion

Overview

Some say Bali is too touristy, uninspiring and over-rated. BULLSHIT. Bali is the fucking business. Beaches, babes and cheap cocktails; what more could you want? Kuta is the island’s premier destination for night-life and it certainly doesn’t disappoint.

The Girls

Miss Bali

Bali is a suburb for women. You have lots of options in terms of ethnic groups, each of which have varying degrees of quality and difficulty. On the lower end of the scale is the drunk Aussie girls; an easy lay perhaps but quality is generally poor. A much better option is cheeky Javanites; promisous Muslims who come to Bali to bask in relative liberalism. Many are drop-dead gorgeous and easy enough to pull. Be wary, some are semi-pros. Then there are the odd Eastern European and Japanese girls, which needless to say, are stunning. They get creeped on constantly, so require a little more effort. Finally there is my pick: local Balinese girls. Beautiful, feminine and eloquent, a Bali girl is for keeps. They don’t screw around and have good values (having children out of wedlock is seriously frowned upon).

Kuta chicks

That said, if they like you they will have no problem being intimate with you. These sweet girls really know how to please a man and their accents will make you melt. If you want to hook up with one I recommend day game as most have day jobs in Kuta. At night, they hang out in groups with their friends. Like most women in the region, they prefer westerners. If I had to marry any girl from South East Asia, she would be either Filipina or Balinese. I hope you find your Bali girl 🙂

Nightlife Recommendations

Kuta has plenty of options in terms of nightlife. More than likely you will find yourself on Jalan Legion, which has the biggest concentration of nightspots. Go to the bounty if you want to hang out with a load of pissed Aussie students. There is a lot of cool bars on Jalan Poppie 2 with live reggae music most nights, a good starting point.

M-bar-go

Good crowd, good music. This place provides a good medium between the bounty and the next place I recommend…

Sky Garden

A wee bit seedy, but I love this place. Three stories of sexiness. No matter your taste, this is the place to be if you want to get laid. Both me and my mate had no problem scoring here.

Bali PR girls

Getting High (courtesy of webehigh.com)

Nomad’s input: Not worth it, most dealers try to rip you off and sell you absolute muck. Go for some mushrooms!

Legislation: Possession, Sale, and Consumption of Marijuana is Illegal and punishable with prison 10 years prison and the death penalty is given for trafficking.

Law enforcement: The laws are enforced strongly. Police will except bribes, and generally know not to hassle tourists without due cause.

Where to buy marijuana in bali: Head down to Poppies lane in Kuta and walk around the square that area has a high concentration of dealers; also you can hookup from other tourists, particularly Aussie surfer dudes. I suggest u smoke a bit of it first to test it, I couldn’t even manage to score real weed despite the myriad of dealers.

Bali Marijuana prices: Aceh Weed and Nepalese hash 500,000 Rupiah for a good 10 grams, though make sure you bargain you will initially be charged much more and u can get the price down to 350,000 Rupiah. Australian hydro varies, Aussies get better prices than others, though its about 30 USD for a gram, but as I said earlier prices vary greatly ive heard people saying they’ve paid as much as 80 USD for a gram.

My Kuta Experience

After an incredible bike trip around the island, I landed in Kuta for 4 nights. I didn’t even stay my room once. I approached a tight Javanese girl the first night and went back to hers. Earlier the same night, I gave out my number to a cute Balinese beautician (she was only 4’5!). She text me the next day and asked me over to her place. We really clicked. I had a few dates with other girls each day but I just going back to her; it was hard to upgrade. The last night she experienced her first mushrooms. It was my first trip with a women and it was an unforgettable experience. She cried her heart out when I was leaving; I even shed a tear or two. 😦