Archive for the Croatia Category

Part 2: Best of the Balkans (Top 5)

Posted in Bosnia & Herzegovina, Croatia, Europe, Macedonia, Montenegro, Serbia with tags , , , , , , on November 24, 2010 by Mackeral Mark

This post is continued from Part 1, so backtrack if you haven’t seen it already. The following destinations were chosen based on roughly the same criteria I used for my Top 10 Destinations in South East Asia. In short – charm, girls and fun; I aim to be objective is this regard. So let’s go…

Naughty Nomad’s

Top 5 Destinations in the Balkans

5. Belgrade, Serbia

Belgrade by night

What’s its Charm?
Belgrade has some really nice pedestrian streets and a stroll up to Kalemegdan fortress is truly romantic, especially under snow fall.

What’s Fun?
The drinks are cheap and the nightlife is legendary throughout Eastern Europe.

And the Girls?
There are more blondes here than other parts of the Balkans. If that’s your thing here’s the place to be!

Bottom line: A walk around Kalemegdan and the famed nightlife gets this place on the list.


4. Sarajevo, Bosnia & Herzegovina

Not as peaceful as it seems...

What’s its Charm?
Old town rocks!!! The Muslim influence is very visible.

What’s Fun?
Just hanging out, smoking sheesha and soaking up the atmosphere of Stari Grad (old town). The nightlife here is insane, the weekend’s here are actually too crazy. See link below.

And the Girls?
Varied, in a good way. See my Sarajevo city guide for a full breakdown.

Bottom line: One of the coolest cities in all of Europe.


3. Hvar Island, Croatia

Port side

What’s its Charm?
It’s a beautiful island on the Dalmatian coast, need I say more?

What’s Fun?
This is the NUMBER 1 party spot on the Adriactic. Expect to go to bed when the sun comes up. There is also plenty of watersports and things to do.

And the Girls?
Expect to get laid. Check out my Hvar Island guide for a full breakdown.

Bottom line: Avoid in low season. Come here is want to seriously rip it up. I loved it.


2. Skopje, Macedonia

More than meet the eye!

What’s its Charm?
A cute old town, cheap beer and friendly locals.

What’s Fun?
Everynight here is an adventure! Weed and women are plentiful.

And the Girls?
I love Macedonian girls, easily the friendliest in the region.  See my Skopje city guide for a full breakdown.

Bottom line: Macedonian girls will make you want to stay. I’ve been here twice and it’s still the first place I’d go back to in the Balkans.


1. Montenegro

A view from Kotor fortress

What’s its Charm?
Move over Tallin, Montenegro shits over anything I’ve seen in Europe. To try and describe the beauty of places like Kotor and Budva is futile. You need to come here. This country had me speechless.

What’s Fun?
Not only is Montenegro visibly awesome, a trip to Budva will have you raving. This an Eastern European party mecca! Click link below.

And the Girls?
Wow. Girls from all of EE come here… Like Hvar, take your pick! Quality is even better here. Check out my Budva city guide for a full breakdown.

Bottom line: It’s Naughty Nomad’s number 1 for a reason. GO! On that note, I suspect low season might be a bit sedated if you’re looking to party.


Here’s a list of ALL my Eastern European city guides:

Athens, Greece

Bucharest, Romania

Budapest, Hungary

Budva, Montenegro

Chisinau, Moldova

Dubrovnik, Croatia

Hvar, Croatia

Kiev, Ukraine

Minsk, Belarus

Ohrid, Macedonia

Pristina, Kosovo

Riga, Latvia

Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina

Skopje, Macedonia

Tallinn, Estonia

Tirana, Albania

Thessaloniki, Greece

Zadar, Croatia

Snapshot: Zadar, Croatia

Posted in City Guides, Croatia with tags , , , , on November 10, 2010 by Mackeral Mark

Snapshots are mini town/city guides for smaller places or cities I have only experienced briefly. Here’s a little snapshot of Zadar.

What are one’s first impressions of Zadar?

Stari Grad

Surprisingly pleasant. The old town is very agreeable and the prices are WAY lower than southern Croatia. You might as well be in a different country.

What are the women like?

This is my third post on a Croatia so I have already aired my view on the local talent. I will say that women in Zadar are considerably more friendlier than their fellow countrywomen from the likes of Dubrovnik and Split. For a more detailed breakdown on Croatian women check out my guides on Dubrovnik and Hvar Island. Mr. Killian has a dedicated post on Cute Croatian girls.

Where should I go at night-time?

Stari Grad and it’s surroundings offer a decent nightlife. If you like the kinky type, I strongly recommend starting off in Kantun rock bar. Where to after that? Avoid City Club, it’s awful. You need to check out Maraschino, a slick disco bar packed with pretty young things and a great place to pick up girls; two out of three of us closed here. Both Kantun and Maraschino are highly recommended.

*Another source cites Arsenal as a great spot for live music and dancing.

Any other recommendations?

Book well in advance for accommodation. There is one hostel in old town, and it only has 4 beds. We end up 10 minutes away by taxi, not cool. Plan ahead. Ryanair offer cheap flights to Zadar.

The Bottom Line

Better than Dubrovnik.

Hvar Island Guide

Posted in City Guides, Croatia with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2010 by Mackeral Mark

Small, but mighty!

Hvar in a word: Seasonal.

Chance of Hooking up: 4 / 5
Quality of Girls: 3.5 / 5
Smoking tolerance level: 3.5 / 5
City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Beer: Up to €4 for a 250ml bottle.
Bed: €12-15 for a private room.
Bud: €5 per gram.
Board: €10 for a main course.
Budget other: Apart from being generally expensive, there are all-night parties on a nearby island that stretch the budget. It costs a few blips for the boat. Sun beds cost around a fiver for the day.
Currency Conversion


Hvar island is exactly what it says on the tin – the biggest party destination on the Dalmatian coast! It’s scenic, relaxed and great fun. It’s relatively pricey for the region, but it’s a wonderful place to hang out for a few days. On that note, there is absolutely no point in coming here outside the June to mid-September window.

The Girls

Rare but most fair

The local population here is insignificant, but girls from all over come the island to let loose.  Self-proclaimed zen travelers would hate this place, but for us naughty nomads it’s a fucking goldmine. Italians, Scandinavians, English, Irish, Aussies, North Americans & Eastern Europeans are all the menu. There is also a few models that come in on the yachts. Croatian girls are also present, but they are the minority. Go to Northern Croatia or Split if you’re determined to get a local honey. There is no particular Croatian “look” but in general the girls are tall and dress really well. They’re also a little more curvy compared to other Eastern Europeans. But back on getting laid… Don’t bother with day game, there is plenty of options at night. Separate yourself from the crowd, peacock a little. Standard rules apply, get your energy levels pumping for a ton of approaches. Give yourself a few days and you will leave here with a big smile on your face. Click the following link for some Croatian inspiration.

Nightlife Recommendations

Carpe Diem in Peak season

Carpe Diem

The undisputed heavyweight in town. Good layout and great cocktails, but expensive. It’s a bit snobbish but nonetheless attracts a lot of talent.


A lot less pretentious than Carpe Diem, and smaller. Personally, I prefer this place. If you want to pick up some local Croatians, this bar is much better. Furthermore, it has a real party atmosphere and outside is perfect for chatting up strangers. Make sure you order a “helmet” for the criac.


When everywhere else closes, this club is just getting started. This place is seriously impressive. In September is was like a hermit’s house party, but in peak season this place is electric. You will undoubtedly end up here, this is were all the nubile singles end up. Go get em!

Getting High (courtesy of

Nomad’s input: Get it in Split before you hit Hvar. We got sorted out by some local girls there. Everyone goes to a beach called “the fuckadrome” to smoke.

Legislation: Illegal. Cultivating, selling and owning.
THC related products are illegal in Croatia and they are equal to harder drugs by the law.

Law enforcement: Cops got to deal with other issues in Croatia. At home, nothing will happen. Outside, be a bit more careful.( Don’t go around trying to make everyone see you’re high or something.) From news coverage and general statements from police etc., you can obtain that the cops are more worried about the big dealers rather than the smaller consumers.

Where to buy marijuana: This is the problem. Do NOT walk up to any guy that looks like a gangster/pusher or anything, you might well end up being robbed. Best thing is just asking someone you know or you’ve had to do with.

Marijuana prices: Not as low as in India or something, but if you have to pay as much as in the US or Western Europe, you’re being ripped off.

More information: It is unlikely that you’re offered hash, and if you are, chances are that it sucks ass. Marijuana is what you wanna go with in Croatia. If you got the choice, reject hash.

My Hvar Experience

I was here 3 nights with 3 other amigos during the Siege of the Adriatic. The first night it was buzzin’, but the other two nights it was dead. It was the end of September and the place was on its last legs. Nonetheless, I was on form and managed to take down two hotties and get two new flags. One was a sexy Cypriot Aussie in Veneranda (where the ratio was easily 80% male I might add). Quite a feat, but that was nothing compared to the last night. No shit, there was only 4 women out and at least 50 guys. Bottom line, I went home with the hottest girl there; a testament to Mystery peacocking theory. She was a smoking hot Welsh naturalist who currently lives in a nudist community, nice. I make it sound like I’m Mr. Smooth, but it was actually quite a challenge so if you don’t mind “toot toot”. As for my amigos, during the course of the 3 days, two of them pillaged a pair of lassies eager for some pirate lovin’. All in all, Hvar left a most favourable impression and gets the big thumbs up! If one was to return, it would certainly not be on the fringes of peak season but rather in the thick of the action in July. Head my words and enjoy!


Why not check out more cheeky City Guides?

Snapshot: Dubrovnik, Croatia

Posted in City Guides, Croatia with tags , , , , , on October 22, 2010 by Mackeral Mark

Snapshots are mini town/city guides for smaller places or cities I have only experienced briefly. Here’s a little snapshot of Dubrovnik.

Main Street in Old Town

What are one’s first impressions of Dubrovnik?

Overcrowded, overpriced and over-rated. Even in mid September, the place was chock-a-block with festering tourists. Don’t get me wrong – it’s very, very pretty, but after Montenegro this place is quite underwhelming. Everybody raves about this medieval masterpiece, and if it was my first stop on an Adriatic excursion I would too, but compared to the rest of Balkans the locals are unfriendly pricks, it’s fucking expensive and unless you are here in peak season the night-life isn’t up to much either.  Worth a look though… I guess.

What are the women like?

Similar to Montenegrins, Croatian girls are tall and dress very well. “If you’ve got it, flaunt it” is a statement very much endorsed. In general though, Croatians can be quite dour and are not nearly as friendly as many of their Balkan and Mediterranean counterparts. This is more so in Dubrovnik than other parts of the country. Tourists are in abundance and you are about as exotic as a Mars bar. In all likelihood you will probably end up pulling a tourist. Northern Croatia is much better if you want a local.

Where should I go at night-time?

I can only speak from my experience, which was in the latter end of September. In the two nights me and my friends spent here we went to pretty much every bar that was open. The Gaffe, an Irish pub, is a great spot with reasonably priced pints too (€3.50). The side streets off the main street in the old town host many little watering holes as well. At the end of the night, everybody ends up in Fuego nightclub. It’s shit, but enjoy it because it’s the only option outside of the June-August window.

Any other recommendations?

A walk around the city walls is decent enough. In this authors opinion, 2 days/1 night in Dubrovnik is enough. Spent the money and shell out for a place near the old town, something we regretted not doing. At €4 for a shitty little 250ml bottle of beer in many bars, get a few into you back home before you go out.

The Bottom Line

Worth a gander, but not a patch on Montenegro.