Archive for the Montenegro Category

Part 2: Best of the Balkans (Top 5)

Posted in Bosnia & Herzegovina, Croatia, Europe, Macedonia, Montenegro, Serbia with tags , , , , , , on November 24, 2010 by Mackeral Mark

This post is continued from Part 1, so backtrack if you haven’t seen it already. The following destinations were chosen based on roughly the same criteria I used for my Top 10 Destinations in South East Asia. In short – charm, girls and fun; I aim to be objective is this regard. So let’s go…

Naughty Nomad’s

Top 5 Destinations in the Balkans

5. Belgrade, Serbia

Belgrade by night

What’s its Charm?
Belgrade has some really nice pedestrian streets and a stroll up to Kalemegdan fortress is truly romantic, especially under snow fall.

What’s Fun?
The drinks are cheap and the nightlife is legendary throughout Eastern Europe.

And the Girls?
There are more blondes here than other parts of the Balkans. If that’s your thing here’s the place to be!

Bottom line: A walk around Kalemegdan and the famed nightlife gets this place on the list.


4. Sarajevo, Bosnia & Herzegovina

Not as peaceful as it seems...

What’s its Charm?
Old town rocks!!! The Muslim influence is very visible.

What’s Fun?
Just hanging out, smoking sheesha and soaking up the atmosphere of Stari Grad (old town). The nightlife here is insane, the weekend’s here are actually too crazy. See link below.

And the Girls?
Varied, in a good way. See my Sarajevo city guide for a full breakdown.

Bottom line: One of the coolest cities in all of Europe.


3. Hvar Island, Croatia

Port side

What’s its Charm?
It’s a beautiful island on the Dalmatian coast, need I say more?

What’s Fun?
This is the NUMBER 1 party spot on the Adriactic. Expect to go to bed when the sun comes up. There is also plenty of watersports and things to do.

And the Girls?
Expect to get laid. Check out my Hvar Island guide for a full breakdown.

Bottom line: Avoid in low season. Come here is want to seriously rip it up. I loved it.


2. Skopje, Macedonia

More than meet the eye!

What’s its Charm?
A cute old town, cheap beer and friendly locals.

What’s Fun?
Everynight here is an adventure! Weed and women are plentiful.

And the Girls?
I love Macedonian girls, easily the friendliest in the region.  See my Skopje city guide for a full breakdown.

Bottom line: Macedonian girls will make you want to stay. I’ve been here twice and it’s still the first place I’d go back to in the Balkans.


1. Montenegro

A view from Kotor fortress

What’s its Charm?
Move over Tallin, Montenegro shits over anything I’ve seen in Europe. To try and describe the beauty of places like Kotor and Budva is futile. You need to come here. This country had me speechless.

What’s Fun?
Not only is Montenegro visibly awesome, a trip to Budva will have you raving. This an Eastern European party mecca! Click link below.

And the Girls?
Wow. Girls from all of EE come here… Like Hvar, take your pick! Quality is even better here. Check out my Budva city guide for a full breakdown.

Bottom line: It’s Naughty Nomad’s number 1 for a reason. GO! On that note, I suspect low season might be a bit sedated if you’re looking to party.


Here’s a list of ALL my Eastern European city guides:

Athens, Greece

Bucharest, Romania

Budapest, Hungary

Budva, Montenegro

Chisinau, Moldova

Dubrovnik, Croatia

Hvar, Croatia

Kiev, Ukraine

Minsk, Belarus

Ohrid, Macedonia

Pristina, Kosovo

Riga, Latvia

Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina

Skopje, Macedonia

Tallinn, Estonia

Tirana, Albania

Thessaloniki, Greece

Zadar, Croatia

Budva City Guide

Posted in City Guides, Montenegro with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 19, 2010 by Mackeral Mark

Inside Old Town

Budva in a word: Adorable.

Chance of Hooking up: 3.5 / 5
Quality of Girls: 4 / 5
Smoking tolerance level: 3.5 / 5
City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Beer: €3 for a 330ml bottle.
Bed: €15 for a private room.
Bud: €5-10 a gram (Serb prices)
Board: €5 for a pizza.
Budget other: You will be charged €5-€20 a day for a sun bed and the beach is stony. Also, food and drink at the beach is very expensive, bring your own supplies.
Currency Conversion


Budva is the party capital of Montenegro. Sexy girls from all over Eastern Europe and Russia come to party here for sun and fun. Not only is this place rockin’, the old town is utterly adorable. It’s easy to fall in love with it’s  narrow cobblestone streets and quaint town squares. Between here and Kotor, I rate Montenegro the most charming spot in Eastern Europe. That said, I must give you guys a stern warning:


The Girls

Typical local talent

Get ready for hormonal overload. First you got the Russians, Ukrainian, Polish & Balkan babes on holiday, then you got models and trophy WAGS imported from the yachts of rich playboys. I mean seriously? As for the locals, Montenegrins are quite similar to Serbs. Coming from Albania, you will notice a lot more blondes and lighter shades. They are quite tall and tend to dress more stylish. They look hostile, but that’s just their designer sunglasses and a Balkan bitch shield. Get behind that and you’ll find the locals girls are really open and sweet. Online game is limited, purely because of the small population of the country. In truth, Budva is probably not the best place to get your flag, unless you commit your self to day game, picking up waitresses, shop girls etc. Go to the capital Podgorica or Tivat (beside Kotor) if you really want to have the local experience. To get a glimpse of more local talent, click here.

Nightlife Recommendations

Budva’s night-life is polemic for a such condensed area. After hours the old town bars wind down and people head to the clubs just outside the city walls. My best advice, avoid Sparta. It’s a fucking shit-hole. That said, Budva has some fantastic places to go out…


This open air club is the main party place in Budva. Expect plenty of pumpin’ tunes and nubile talent. This place is rockin’ till 5am.  Need I say more? You need to check this place out. But in my opinion, it’s not a patch on…


This is my kind of place! It may not have the reputation of Trocaderos but this is one my favourite spots in the whole of Eastern Europe. It looks like a hybrid of a Caribbean cocktail bar, a tree house and an Arabic opium den. Expect hammocks, hookahs and hip shakin’ EE girls dancing to a live salsa band. When this place has a bit of a crowd, it’s unbeatable. A great place to meet women.


Getting High

No info available. You will have to bring your own in from Belgrade, Croatia or even better, Macedonia.

My Budva Experience

I was here for 2 nights with 3 friends and loved it. However, it was the tail end of the season so it was really subdued (mid-September). One night we made a big mistake and ended up in Sparta. It was a sausage-fest and the bouncers prevented you leaving your table to talk to girls.. WTF? The last night we discovered Haciendas. It blew my mind and I had one the best nights of my holiday. I ended up dancing with an Israeli/Belarusian girl and bringing her home for a marathon sex session.  A new flag aside, it was an amazing night that expanded my sexual frontiers.  I also met up with a local Montenegrin girl in Kotor the next day, but that’s another story.. Bottom line – I’d go back to Budva in a heartbeat, but I’d return when there’s a few more people around (June – August).


Why not check out more naughty City Guides?

The Limerick of Budva

Posted in Israel, Montenegro, Poems & Limericks, Sex & Dating with tags , on September 18, 2010 by Mackeral Mark

A pirate danced with his crew,
He stumbled upon a hot Jew,
A body to thrill,
He went for the kill,
Oh man was she able to screw.

and screw…

and screw…

and screw.