Archive for the Ukraine Category

Kiev City Guide

Posted in City Guides, Ukraine with tags , , , on April 26, 2010 by Mackeral Mark

Snowy Kiev

Kiev in a word: Blessed.
C.O.H: 3.5 / 5
Q.O.G: 5 / 5
S.T.L: 3.5 / 5
City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Beer: Around  €.80
Bed: €10 for a dorm
Bud: €15 per matchbox-5 grams
Board: €5 for a steak and chips!
Budget other: Nightclub entry is usually cheap around €2. Budget for treating your date to a few drinks.
Currency Conversion

The girls

Mila Kunis: Made in Ukraine

I say blessed for a reason. If you are looking for the love of your life, this is the place to be! Kiev is home to arguably the most beautiful women in the world! They have slim Slavic bodies and cute facial features and are more petite than their Belorussian/Russian neighbours. They are also very eager to practice their English and surprisingly friendly. It’s one of the only places in Europe where you see fat 50 year old Americans and Englishmen with a stunning 20 something year old bombshells. Kiev girls are easy to contact over the internet for a meet up. You could litterly date a girl with model-looks every night! They may take a little work and even a few dates, but they are 100% worth it. Some Russian helps ALOT! Just watch out for gold diggers.

Nightlife Recommendations

In the winter time, it is not uncommon to find that there are ten ladies for every one man at a bar or club.

It’s not actually called doctors but all the staff wear hospital gear. Any TUI hostel owner will know it. This basement bar is a little hard to find but is has cheap booze, nice steak and good looking girls. Good place to bring a date as well. Ask for the needle. They put you in a straight jacket on the bar counter and feed you a green cocktail mixture through a giant syringe!

O’Briens Pub

Irish pub good for a pint and convenient location. A little pricey than Doctors but a saves you a taxi ride.

Getting High (courtesy of

Legislation: ILLEGAL – Strict Penalties if caught, severe penalties if caught dealing, up to 20 years in prison.

Law enforcement: Police are very tolerant or can be bribed with as little as $50.00 if you have about 2 cigarettes.

Where to buy marijuana in Kiev: Finding Good Marijuana is not easy but it is available. Amsterdam quality Buds can be purchased although all the ones I have found can be rather dry. Lots of shake is available in Match Boxes from dealers at large metro stations in the downtown area. I have found that Hookers usually have access to it!

another reporter added: “Check first the quality & after that buy.At the metro station nobody will sell you grass. Many assholes try to trick with the foreigners so be careful. Believe me.”

Our LATEST reports say: don`t buy near metro stations (many pigs).
ask for weed people who looks like smokers but don’t`t buy more than 5 grams (match box named “pocket”). try to buy a 1/2 of match box (“polowina”-translates like a HALF)–its most popular , not crime, $10-30 USD .
Marijuana prices: ($20 USD per matchbox-5 grams )Hydroponic costs up to $20 USD per gram. hash not produces in Ukraine and costs more than $30 USD per gram (morocco). there are many growers in Ukraine and here you can find real good stuff (but mostly ruderalis).

More information: Relatively new to the Ukraine, most people here are happy just to get drunk. Very popular with the younger generation.

My Kiev Experience

I arrived with 6 girls phone number, but only had 3 days. I had fun! The first night I met a cute 18 year old and we had a great time. I didn’t have time to meet her again but we still keep in contact. The second night for the craic I decided to invited2 girls to the same place and the same time! PRICELESS! One Russian blonde (20) and one Ukrainian vampire(19)… but the situation was actually quite awkard.  Bottom line – The blonde was totally out-smoked by the vampire and see bowed out gracefully after a drink. The vamp didn’t speak much English but my little bit of Russian helped. I went home with the vampire! Ukraine is the only place in Eastern Europe I would consider living… I almost bought a hostel while I was there!

How to Slay a Vampire ;)

Posted in Belarus, Moldova, Romania, Russia, Russia, Sex & Dating, Ukraine, Vampires with tags , , , , , on April 22, 2010 by Mackeral Mark

DO NOT READ: if you are one of those politically correct wankers or have a vagina… or fangs.  This author is not Anti-Vampire or culturally insensitive, but he does  rock.  He also enjoys spicy food, and has a thing for alternative chicks.  This article is for entertainment purposes only. Now…

What if I told Vampires were REAL?

Would you believe me?

I’n not talking about little goth kids who cut themselves and

I’m not talking about fairytale beasts. I’m talking about REAL vampires.

What if I told you there were creatures of the night who

  • File teeth/ get implants in order to possess Fangs.
  • Leave bite marks & drink blood.
  • Perform sensual satanic rituals.
  • Dress in erotic Gothic attire to seduce you.

But blood isn’t what they’re after. These vampires thrive on sex for their survival. Sex is used by these wicked temptresses as validation to make up for the love Daddy didn’t give them.

And guess what? – You could be that validation!

Real vampires are originally Slavic not Romanian (deriving from the serbian word vampir) and find their origins in the depths of Eastern Europe and parts of the Balkans.  Ideally they have pale complexions, slim bodies and hypnotic eyes. Many vampires are bi-sexual.


Female vampires are a rare and kinky breed. Few men have slay one.

Of course by slay I mean had sex with.  And by kinky I mean HOLY SHIT!

My slayer story is for another blog, but I hope this guide will help you get your own damp vamp!

Good Luck!

CAUTION:  Hunting vampires is only for the most dedicated and daring.

The Hunting Ground

You need to actually GO to Eastern Europe or the Balkans.  The best hunting ground is in Ukraine, home to the most beautiful women in Europe. Russian visas are a pain and Transylvanian vampires are usually wrote-off Romanian wannabes. Because there are a RIDICLOUS amount of stunning women in Ukraine, many girls turn vamp to give themselves an edge.

Vital Preparations

Vampires are rarely seen. Get online and message some vampires to arrange dates before you go over.  Browse the social networking sites. Ukrainian/Moldavian/Belorussian girls  are more than happy to go out with a western guy. Vampires are no different. Trust me, I’ve met girls from all these countries.  Learning a few words of Russian will increase you chances of success by 300%.

Slay your Vampire

Generally in  Slavic nations, the man ALWAYS pays for drinks. Some, more worldly Slavs understand you’re a westerner and will offer to split the bill but bear in mind it is NOT common in these countries. Vampire exude sexuality and can at first seem intimidating. Play it cool, and after a few drinks  they will be biting you, sucking your neck and sticking their touge in your ear.  It time for the slay. Take them home for the most kinky, beastly night of your life.


I hope you’ve had fun with this guide . Feel free to rate this article and leave comments!