Archive for the War Zone Safety Category

War Zone Safety Guide!

Posted in D.R Congo, Travel Cheats, War Zone Safety with tags , , , , , on May 5, 2010 by Mackeral Mark


So you think you’re hard son?

You think  you got what it takes huh?

Y’all tired o’those pansy faggot tourist trails? HUH!?

Well… I hope you know what you got yourselves in fur..

Ok, so maybe you done time… seen some action…

Well guess what?


Afghanistan & Irac are for PUSSIES!

Hell I could bring my Gramma there – you gud fur nothin’ yellowbelly BABY KILLERS!

Ever been to the Congo?

… been held at gun point?

… smelt fear after you done shit yourself?

… been rapped by a gang of angry Hutus?

didn’t think so.

I bet you’ve never even made love to a gorilla tied to a tree.

Well… bout time you tried, ain’t it?

That's ma boy! Nomad junior.

Y’all need to be PREPARED to go in-to-de-CONGO!


  • Volcano insurance. You want everyone callin’ you magma dick? Not in a month of Sundays!
  • Mosquito repellent. If you gots malaria you done fur! They got no hospital no how.
  • Wacky Tabacey. How do expect to pay fur some moonshine with a million francs that ain’t worth an once of cornbread?  You dumb shit.
  • Booze and a pack of Marlboro. You planned bribing these folks with a Gareth Brook CD? Fuck you!
  • Condoms. These women have been gang-rapped and brutalised. I repeat: Rapped and brutalised. Again and again and again.  I guess they figure a stranger in these parts might treat em gud. You know, treat ’em like they ought’a be treated.  So do! SHOW EM’ A GOOD TIME BOYS! YEE-HAW!
  • Last but not least – My book. Buy my fuckin’ book!

ON SALE NOW! for only 5,000 Ugandan Shillings!

Y’all come back now ya hear!

( You dumb sons of bitches)

Actual pictures we took in the Congo below:

Entering Former Zaire

Road side

Us riding into the jungle

Refugee Camp from the War, not so funny...

Pygmy Tribe (They look sad, but you should seen em' at the local wedding we went to to later! Pissed as farts they were!)

Lake Verd