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Lusaka City Guide

Posted in City Guides, Zambia with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 17, 2010 by Mackeral Mark

Lusaka Market

Lusaka in a word: Casual.
C.O.H: 5 / 5
Q.O.G: 3 / 5
S.T.L: 3 / 5
City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Beer: Around  €1.50 for a bottle.
Bed: €13 for a private room
Bud: €10-15 per gram
Board: €5 for 3 grams.
Budget other: You need taxis at night.
Currency Conversion


Lusaka is refreshingly cosmopolitan. Zambians love to drink and the city has a great bar scene. Lot’s a fun to be had here!

The Girls

Miss Africa 09: Zambian

Zambian girls are attractive, fun-loving and are exceptionally friendly. They have nicer features than most western Africans and you can find absurdly sexy girls here! Not only all they slim with whopper curves,  they also have liberal sexual attitudes and are more relaxed than girls in east African countries. You can meet plenty of  Zambian women who are travelled and educated. Most of them are just looking to have some fun and are less inclined to see you as a giant wallet. Day game is easy and shelters you from a potentially sleazy night out. Just be warned, there is a high instance of HIV here. When you get to Lusaka you will see why.

Nightlife Recommendations

They’re are plenty of Western-style spots filled with tourists and locals alike. Lusaka nights are anything but boring. The classiness of the clientèle varies tremendously from place to place.

Lusaka, the classy version…


Two bars, great for a warm up. Plenty of classy girls about. You can even come across the odd model.

Lusaka, the slighty sleazier version…

Alpha Bar

Lusaka’s must-see! Everybody comes to this disco-bar at least once. The beer is cheap and there’s women a plenty. That said, many are  ladies of the nights so you might end up shoring without knowing. This place has a great atmosphere and is packed every night. Anything goes.

Getting High (courtesy of

Legislation: Marijuana is illegal in Zambia, and so is any related action

Law enforcement: Never had any run ins with law enforcement. They seemed to be more interested in other things, however locals are very cautious about dealing in the open. The person you are scoring from will be very discreet.

Where to buy marijuana: Zambia is very economically depressed,so it is not to difficult to find. Just ask a street vender or a cab driver where to find the Dagga and it will not take long…

Marijuana prices: about $5.00 to $10.00 U.S. for about three to seven grams

Marijuana brands: most bud in Zambia is forest grown and decent quality.

My Lusaka Experience

I got both ends of the stick in Lusaka. I picked up a 19yo in Alpha bar who bought me back to a coach-roach invested shack. But she was very sweet and we really connected. The next day I hooked up with a billboard model for Miller! I met her on a bus to Livingstone. I used some Jefferies stuff and end up getting her off on the bus! We met up later that night but her agent wouldn’t let me into the room. She told me to sneak into the hotel after ten minutes. Bad idea.  I got arrested for breaking and entering and she end up getting kicked out of the hotel for her involvement. Happy ending – she got me released without charge and now she keeps begging me to back there.

Check out this pic I took at Victoria falls…

getting stoned watching the earth turn...

By the way, I’ve HIV.

Posted in HIV, Sex & Dating with tags , , , , , on May 9, 2010 by Mackeral Mark

So after a night on the prowl in central Africa, I find myself in bed smoking a joint with my latest conquest.  I felt like a king with this sweet ebony ass curled up next to me. I was the stoner version of James Bond, traipsing round the globe sleeping with the local women. But in that quite moment when all seemed right with the world, she turned to me and said:

“I’m worried”

“Why?” I asked.

“We didn’t use a condom”

“Yeah, but you told me everywhere was closed!” I wondered where this was going. I felt a fake pregnancy scam coming on here. DAM it! I really shouldn’t have came inside her.

“You are leaving tomorrow?” She asked.

“Yep, why?”

“Mark… you need to know something…”

I was pretty sure she wasn’t a man, but I didn’t like the tone of her voice.

“What… It’s OK, you can tell me.”

“…I’m sick.”

“Sick… what do you mean sick?”

“I think you know…”

My heart attempted to escape my chest as a feeling of impending doom pervaded my body. I became very conscience of the fact that this part of the world had some of the highest AIDS rates.

“You mean… you have HIV?”

She didn’t say anything, she just nodded…


Seriously, what a fucking bitch.

“By the way, I’ve HIV and you just fucked me.”

At least she’s dead now.

The next three months I was planning how I would live the rest of my life. I knew the chances where slim, but going in the get my STD results was one of the scariest moments of my life…

“You’re test results came back, I’ve got some bad news and some good news.”

“I don’t like the sound of that..”

“Good news is your HIV results came up negative but bad news is you’ve got a STD.”

I was never so happy to hear the words “you’ve got a STD”.

It’s all sorted now, so my irresponsible and reckless lifestyle continues! YEAH!

Moral of the story: Always carry a condom in your wallet.

It turns out HIV transmission rates are grossly exaggerated. Educate yourself and click here.

World AIDS rates

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