The Siege of Malta

The Mission: Capture my Maltese flag, in style.

Yes, Leprechaun pirate

I hit the ground cold and I had a week.

Dressed as a Leprechaun Pirate, I stormed the island with my new crew: Genocide Glen, Pillaging Paul & Cut-throat Killian (aka Mr.Killian). Many women fell prey to our charms but I wasn’t interested in just a flag. Any man can put one to his mast if mounted by a chubby chica or a prawn; I wasn’t here to trawl. These opposing paradigms are well summed up in an article by Atlas Al: Flag hunter vs Flag collector.

On Form, the pick up:

I wanted quality. Sometime that comes easy when you’re on form.

I found it – a sexy Maltese cutie weighting only 48 kgs, and that included her breast implants. I got her number in a nightclub and we agreed to meet again. She left. Things continued to go well. That very night I made out with a married Maltese girl, her best friend (on the sly), an Italian and then got taken home by a beautiful Indian Aussie. Mr. Killian slayed her friend in the next room, and got his Swedish flag.

Day 1, a fearsome test:

Do fuck off!

The next meet up with my Maltese cutie was behind enemy lines. She was attending a private party in some upper class club, a pretentious affair concocted for a single launch, some electro progressive bullshit. My friends bolted and left me to my own devices.

Her circle was a mix of models, rich kids and socialites with delusions of eloquence.The scene was decorated by designer couture and Louis Vuitton handbags. Then there was me… the idiotic Irish guy with the ridiculous hat wielding a toy sword!

The minute my date left for the bathroom, I was immediately shunned from the group. Two guys came over, turned their backs and formed a wall of penis, rendering me an outcast. I tried to open her guy friends, I was amoged. I tried to open her girlfriends, I was cockblocked. I looked like the biggest sap in the room. My girl was about to return and my perceived social value was so low I was doomed to a night of frustrated wanking. Welcome to loserville.

I thought to myself, “What would a real man do in this scenario?”.

I could go to the bar… not good enough.

I could go the toilet… like a fucking pussy.

 

A Predicament...

No, I stepped up to plate and went straight up to five other women, opening an entire new set. My costume provided me with a hook point and one of the girls began flirting with me. Just at that moment, my dainty date emerged from the bathroom to see me the centre of attention amongst a group of beautiful women. The timing was perfect. I pretend not to notice her. I sense her approaching my back, I feel a tug on my shirt. The woman was marking her territory. I love a good jealously plotline. I had completely turned the situation around.

Rather then go back to her chilly clique, I bid her adieu and told her I’d text her. In all honesty, I didn’t expect the interaction to go much further…

Day 2, lock down.

A busy room indeed..

No need to text. I turn on my phone at 2 pm and the texts come in. She wanted to meet, asap. I had another date at midnight so we meet at 7pm. Mr. Killian was banging a Russian up in the room at this time, scoring his Russian flag and his first Muslim. He gleefully handed over the keys at 9. By 10 I was indulging in my sweet little Maltese sex machine. I don’t usually give too much detail, but I will say she was incredible, someone I clicked with on many levels. After my third orgasm I released I missed my second date, but I didn’t care.

The next day I ended up back here in Ireland.

The siege of Malta was complete!

Snapshot: Dubrovnik, Croatia

Snapshots are mini town/city guides for smaller places or cities I have only experienced briefly. Here’s a little snapshot of Dubrovnik.

Main Street in Old Town

What are one’s first impressions of Dubrovnik?

Overcrowded, overpriced and over-rated. Even in mid September, the place was chock-a-block with festering tourists. Don’t get me wrong – it’s very, very pretty, but after Montenegro this place is quite underwhelming. Everybody raves about this medieval masterpiece, and if it was my first stop on an Adriatic excursion I would too, but compared to the rest of Balkans the locals are unfriendly pricks, it’s fucking expensive and unless you are here in peak season the night-life isn’t up to much either.  Worth a look though… I guess.

What are the women like?

Similar to Montenegrins, Croatian girls are tall and dress very well. “If you’ve got it, flaunt it” is a statement very much endorsed. In general though, Croatians can be quite dour and are not nearly as friendly as many of their Balkan and Mediterranean counterparts. This is more so in Dubrovnik than other parts of the country. Tourists are in abundance and you are about as exotic as a Mars bar. In all likelihood you will probably end up pulling a tourist. Northern Croatia is much better if you want a local.

Where should I go at night-time?

I can only speak from my experience, which was in the latter end of September. In the two nights me and my friends spent here we went to pretty much every bar that was open. The Gaffe, an Irish pub, is a great spot with reasonably priced pints too (€3.50). The side streets off the main street in the old town host many little watering holes as well. At the end of the night, everybody ends up in Fuego nightclub. It’s shit, but enjoy it because it’s the only option outside of the June-August window.

Any other recommendations?

A walk around the city walls is decent enough. In this authors opinion, 2 days/1 night in Dubrovnik is enough. Spent the money and shell out for a place near the old town, something we regretted not doing. At €4 for a shitty little 250ml bottle of beer in many bars, get a few into you back home before you go out.

The Bottom Line

Worth a gander, but not a patch on Montenegro.

Skopje City Guide

Old Town

Skopje in a word: Lovable.

Chance of Hooking up: 3.5 / 5
Quality of Girls: 4 / 5
Smoking tolerance level: 3.5 / 5

City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Beer: Around  €1.50 – 2 for a pint.
Bed: €20 for a private room.
Bud: €50 for 25 grams.
Board: €3 for a good meal.
Budget other: Go to the new age bar and shell out a few coppers for a communal Hookah and some yummy Macedonian wine, well worth it for under €15.
Currency Conversion

Overview

Admittedly, I have a soft spot for this place. Macedonia in general is one of my top 3 countries in Europe. I’ve been in Skopje twice, both in winter and summer and it just keeps growing on me. The city has plenty of character, the girls are amazing, it’s cheap and the nightlife is excellent. I see myself coming back here again and again. Enjoy this Balkan gem.

The Girls

Suzana Al-Salkini

Macedonian girls are something special. They are slim, sexy and chilled. Ethnic Macedonians are mostly brunettes but also get the typical blonde hair, blue eyed girl about. 25 % are of Albanian heritage if you like a darker, more Ottoman look. The great thing is the girls are more friendly than their Balkan neighbours in Serbia, Bulgaria and Albania. Day game and night game work equally well here and you can be fairly direct. The sex ratio is pretty decent in bars and clubs also and most girls speak English. Skopje doesn’t receive many tourists so locals are curious about foreigners. Frankly, it’s a relativity easy place to pick up quality women. If you want to see more Macedonian babes click here.

Nightlife Recommendations

I have two excellent recommendations for you guys.

New Age

From what I’ve seen, if I could bring a date to any bar in all of Europe, my first choice would be New Age. The seating areas are on cool wooden islands over a pond, covered in cushions. Inside looks like a derelict building with Arabic décor, Hookah pipes, local wine and chill-out music.  Not really a place to pick up, but the perfect pre-club bar to start your night if you are with friends. A must-see.

Club Havana

An open air fiesta with Cuban sounds, live music & cheap beer. The party vibe here is infectious and it’s wall to wall with cute girls. The clientèle are laid back and it’s really easy to approach as everyone is standing and it’s not too loud.  Arguably the best place in Skopje to pick up. Go Monday night.

Getting High

Nomad’s input : Bought 50 grams for €100 (just asked around in New Age). My friend got caught smoking a joint by the police, they let him off, didn’t  ask for money and even gave the joint back – gotta love this country!

Law enforcement: There is a special police unit called “ALFI” they drive old ventos golf 2 3 and always they roll in a pack of 3. If you get arrested with a small amount – let’s say 5 grams they may let you off easy.

Where to buy marijuana in Skopje: Best place to find weed here in skopje is just walk around find some group of kids ages 16-23 or so a lot of us smoke weed so the chance of you asking the right ones is 80%. Don’t give the money first.

Skopje marijuana prices: 2$ a gram, 230$ 1 Kilo. The prices get higher 500 denars = around 12$ for 2 grams.

My Skopje Experience

The first time I went here was in 2009 with a Norwegian girl. The locals treated us like family and wouldn’t let us pay for a thing. On my recent trip, the first night was incredible. I spent the night with a blonde bombshell I met on-line and took to New Age. The next day, the sweetheart even made me cookies, then took me on a picnic and lavished me with wine. The second night, I went to Havana and made out with three different girls, one of which I really clicked with. I also had numbers of two other girls I gamed before that night, but I didn’t even have time to see them. Needless to say, I got my flag and the next time I go back I’ll be a busy, busy boy. I love Skopje! South East Asia move over for South East Europe!

5 reasons you should peacock more

So me and 3 friends are on our 19th consecutive night dressed as Irish/Mexican Pirates. Last night, in the siege of Sarajevo, all four of us hooked up with girls.  I even managed to swoop a sexy Argentine behind her boyfriend’s back. Guys – don’t bring your girlfriends to hostels! Beware of boisterous buccaneers who will have their way with your women.. ARRRGHH!!!

It seems the more ridiculous we look, the more fuckable we become.  The local men look on in disdain, while the women giggle and gravitate towards us. Every hostel we go to, we manage to get everyone out on a pirate pub crawl! Everyone wants to roll the crazy guys with sombreros, flashing LED swords, water pistols, horns & party hats.

Need more convincing?

Here are 5 reasons you should peacock more…

1. You feel like a beautiful women

Imagine walking into a bar and everyone turns to check you out. A privilege reserved for supermodels and porn stars? Hell no. When you peakcock you get an absurd amount of attention. Men get jealous, women get wet. It’s a powerful feeling. You won’t want to look normal ever again.

2. You convey confidence and a good sense of humour

If you are congruent and comfortable with your eccentricities, it conveys confidence. Women like confidence. If you look ridiculous, it shows you don’t take yourself too seriously. Classic cocky/funny even before you open your mouth; a pre-DHV.

3. It’s easier to open sets

If anything, it is very likely you will be approached. Sometimes, you can just stand there and let them come to you.  Girls will want to be in pictures with you and your friends. When you peacock, sets open like crazy.

4. You can use props to anchor and create jealously plot lines

If you bring ridiculous props you can use them as anchors to hook multiple sets. Imagine going into a bar and putting a funny hat on a beautiful women and her friend. Then another one on another girl across the room. You build social proof, you’ve anchored two sets and creates potential jealously plot-lines between girls. You could do all this in 30 seconds and already be at the bar getting yourself a drink.

5. It’s really fun!!!

Halloween every night!!! WAY HAY! You never have a bad night dressed like an absolute idiot! At least you’ll get some funny pics…

😉

For anything interested in this post, I’d recommend reading the Venusian Arts Handbook by Mystery.

Phuket Island Guide

Bangla Rd. by day

Phuket in a word: Hedonistic.

Chance of Hooking up: 5 / 5
Quality of Girls: 3 / 5
Smoking tolerance level: 4 / 5
City guide ratings explained

Costs €$£

Beer: Around €2 for a 330ml bottle.
Bed: €8 for a central private room.
Bud: €50 for 3-4 grams.
Board: €3-4 for most meals.
Budget other: Some places close at 6.00 AM. That’s a lot of drinking time.
Currency Conversion

Overview

The heart of the action is centred around Bangla Road, Patong. This is where you need to be. Sure it’s sleazy, but it’s right by the beach, there’s a ridiculous amount of women and the night life is insane. This is my favourite spot in Thailand. Welcome to sex central; a hedonist’s paradise.

Bangla Rd. by night

The Girls

Freelancer in Hollywoods

First and foremost, the majority of girls around Bangla are working girls or p4p, plain and simple. That said, this is not always the case and it doesn’t mean you need to pay for it anyway. This is a prime location for shoring. Secondly, these girls are hot as hell (see video below) and you can find some grade A Thai totty for your pleasure, as women in this area display a high degree of promiscuity. There are basically 4 different types of girls.

Bar girls
A bar girl is a lady working in a bar, usually selling drinks, dancing or mingling with the punters. These girls will more often than not be there to pick up clients who will pay for sex. Most of these girls generally come from Issan, a poorer province in Thailand. Avoid these ones unless you are a sex tourist; not my style.

Bar girls, Patong. Note to self: buy schoolgirl outfit to put on asian FB

Freelancers
These are pros or semi-pro’s without an employer. They are often found in  bars or on the street. In bars, they can be shored and will screw you for free if they like you.

Non-pros
There are lot’s of girls on the island who don’t work in bars and who have never even considered p4p. What I consider “good” girls; normal girls with jobs. You can ask them out directly as many have hopes of dating a western guy.

Tourists
Around Patong, you can find both domestic and international tourists. Some wealthier Bangkok girls come here on vacation to party, while there fat western counterparts look around in disgust. Take your pick.

Nightlife Recommendations

As mentioned, Bangla road is where it’s at. Do a pub crawl and get a feel for the place, if it hits 2Am and your  alone  there’s only one place you need to know about …

Hollywoods

This is a big nightclub that’s always the last place to close and packed every night. It’s a major freelancers hangout, but plenty of tourists and non-pros can be found here too. Hooking up here is almost guaranteed if you have a little game. Both me and my mate brought a different girl home every night we came here and money never came up once.. I even wondered in at 5.30 am one morning and got picked up.

Here’s a video I found on Hollywood’s…

So what do at the end of the night and I haven’t scored?

Then you need to go to..

The Local Pool Hall

At 6AM, this place is packed with sexy chicks who refuse to go to bed. They’re horny, hammered and there’s no men around… We had women literally fighting over each other when we arrived. Have fun..

I also recommend you read my Ladyboy survival guide.

Getting High

Legislation: Cannabis is illegal in Thailand but the police in Phuket Island is fairly corrupt. It wouldnt be advisable not to smoke in public or in dodgy back streets, but smoking on the beach or hotel balcony should be kept discrete.

Law Enforcement: Law enforcement generally corrupt, can be bought off for around 20,000B if you run into trouble.

Where to Buy Marijuana in Phuket Island: Head to Patong Beach where there are jetski rentals and parasailing. Be cool and ask the guys renting out the equipment to hook you up.  A recent tip we got is: “Patong Soi Eric the Regee beer bar”. Another report from patong bay: “Not from people who wrap their pot in tons of plastic and burn the edges; not marijuana. Look for the mid 20s people who work on the beach.” Another reporter added: “Taxi drivers and tuk tuk drivers are the way to go.”

Phuket Island Marijuana Prices: An expensive 3000B for about 4-5 grams of shitty brick weed. But it’s good if you’re bud-starved. Another reporter added; “300Tb = 1.5g of thai stick. THC about 6 – 12 %”
Another reporter informed us of “1000TB for 10 grams”  and also: “I paid 1000 baht for about 5-7 grams of compressed outdoor sativa.”

My Phuket Experience

Sex, sex and more sex. Phuket was insane. Both me and my mate were with a different girl every single night, really sexy girls as well. I thought my dick was going to fall off; good times.

😉