How to get a private pyramid tour

Step 1: Arrive after closing time, but before the sun sets.

Step 2: Walk around the parameter eastwards and wonder into the backstreets surrounding the security fence. There’s a KFC nearby, but that can wait. Get talking to the locals about getting in through the “back” entrance.

Step 3: You will introduced to a guide; he will provide you with safe passage and horses. Bargain hard, but remember, they have to pay a large sum of money bribing the police inside. We negotiated we would pay the police ourselves and it end up being far more costly.

Step 4: Mount your horse and head towards the dessert, leaving the city behind you. Prepare you nostril for the occasion odious encounter. We witnessed the disturbing site of a horse’s corpse, rotting in the gutter being consumed by a swarm of feasting flies.

Step 5: After a few kilometres of dramatic dessert scenery, you will spot a makeshift camp on the inside of the security fence. An un-couth looking man will come out and un-hinge a broken section of the fence, allowing you entry for a small fee.

Step 6: Make you way over the dunes to the pyramids. You have them all to yourself! Sure, you might have to bribe a few corrupt officials and you can’t go inside the pyramids themselves, but you can everything but, and there isn’t a single tourist in sight! You also get the privilege of being the only people allowed to watch the Egyptian sun, setting over the only original, surviving ancient wonder of mankind – and right next to the sphinx if you want! Famous people couldn’t do that shit!